Tuesday, February 17, 2009

No one could have predicted that this would end badly

It's stories like this one that make a person marvel that the human race hasn't gone extinct yet through our own stupidity:

Huge chimp shot dead after mauling woman in Conn.

By STEPHANIE REITZ (Associated Press Writer)
From Associated Press
February 17, 2009 12:50 PM EST

HARTFORD, Conn. - A 200-pound domesticated chimpanzee who once starred in TV commercials for Old Navy and Coca-Cola was shot dead by police after a violent rampage that left a friend of its owner badly mauled.

These people had a 200-pound chimpanzee living in their house. In Connecticut. Doesn't everyone on your suburban block have a wild animal stashed in the basement? Maybe their next-door neighbors have a lion on a leash? In all seriousness--WTF? But wait: it gets worse...

Police have dealt with him in the past, including an incident in 2003 when he escaped from his owners' vehicle in downtown Stamford for two hours. Officers used cookies, macadamia treats and ice cream in an attempt to lure him, but subdued him only after he became too tired to resist.

At the time of the 2003 incident, police said the Herolds told them the chimpanzee was toilet trained, dressed himself, took his own bath, ate at the table and drank wine from a stemmed glass. He also brushed his teeth using a Water Pik, logged onto the computer to look at pictures, and watched television using the remote control, police said.

So to recap, not only did these maniacs keep a chimpanzee as a pet, they also let him drink wine. And this arrangement went sour--imagine that!

UPDATE: Not just wine -- also Xanax. As Bob Cesca would say, "Smart!"

I am utterly fascinated by this story. What exactly was the thought process here? Did this woman think: "I know what would be awesome: I'll adopt this gigantic wild animal, dress him up like a person, keep him living in completely unsuitable conditions, and then drug him up with pharmaceuticals meant for humans. What could go wrong?"

I just don't get it. But I do think she should go to jail. How it could be legal for someone to keep an animal like this in an ordinary home is beyond me. Whether it was legal or not, she should be held responsible for what happened to the friend who was unfortunate enough to get in the chimp's way as the poor animal made his final bid for freedom. Just completely sad all the way around.

1 comment:

Broadway Carl said...

Well, I've had the occassional bad wine too, but I never got that angry.

Seriously though, I don't mean to make light of the poor lady that was attacked, but yeah, it's a bit odd to expect that nothing would happen. After all, they're animals. Bizarre that a dog owner leaving their dog off leash is subject to a summons but a 200lb. chimp is A-OK.