So last night I had an appointment with a podiatrist. I'm trying to figure out why I keep having stabbing pains in my feet. (Yes, I am officially 150 years old.) They took some X-rays of my feet and determined that I just have a weird bone structure that can sometimes lead to joint pain in the feet. I explained that my primary care doctor referred me there to rule out any condition that would need surgery, or any other similarly drastic thing.
"Well, family doctors hear about foot pain, and they usually think it's gout," the podiatrist said. "You definitely don't have gout."
Well Jesus, that's good to know. I don't want to have any disease that Dick Cheney has.